wow, woke up this moring to enjoy a wounderful labor day and heard some bad news. steve irwin the crocodile hunter, died today. that really makes me sad. He was awsome. i loved to watch him. alot of people may not know this but besides watching food network and cooking. I also love aniamls and animal shows and zoos. Anytime he was on i would watch. it is sad that he left a wife and two small childern(8 and 3) it was a freak accendet. killed by a stingray. but he went with an ainamal attack. what do you accepct form a man who wrestled freakn crocs. here is more about steve irwin
another thing that i found intresting and exciting is in the world of comic books. spider-man took off his mask. know the world knows he is peter parker. that is a big thing. his wife already knew but know his boss knows and his enemys. to find out how it all happened go to ign comics
another thing i have been following the last couple of months is all the cool new stuff going over at disney world. there are so many new things going up there. they have this new rollercoaster that takes you to the hymilays and an encounter with the legendary yetiyeti. also there are a couple of new finding nemo attractions. one is a new origianl musical based on the movie over at animal kingdom.nemo the musical i think is going to be intresting. it is the first timedisney has done a show with original music based on a movie that was not a musical. it should be good. it replaced a good tarzan show. also there is a nemo attratcion at epcots living seas. the living seas is basicaly a really cool and huge aqurium. it will have a new ride that is a ride through the real aquirum but also with nemo and his friends inthe ride. i think this is going to rock.nemo and frinds. there are also more pirates,princess and other cool stuff. with this intresting update i may post more about one of my faviort places
Monday, September 04, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
grace and freedom
you cant have freedom with out his grace. I have been experianceing both. his wounderful freedom becasue of his great grace. His grace covers all. and it is not wouderful becasue of what it does. it is amazing becsue who it comes form. he loves me so much and wants a relationship wiht me that he forgives me. he forgives me becasue of his sacrifice. his sacrifice is becasue of his love. what love. love that it makes a mn like me who is sinful and nurotic to be strong, beautif, honest, real. i am wanting to see my good not my bad. my sins are so knowtacable to me. my good qualities are what is hard to see. i just want to live in his freedom. i want to see him move becasue i am faithful . have sen good things i desire to seemore good thngs.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
a prable
some peole had some questions aobut the parable. here is an explnation
for me it was all about the brokeness. the towns people were ignorent yes but they truly did not care for her. they just wanted to save face. so they took care of what they preseved as the need. which was not really the need at all. she took hte help becasue she was tierd of going back and forth even thought she was doing good. the brokness was what was saving the town. she did not want the broken jug but keep it becasue of what the king said. instead of the towns peole praiseiing her for her deligence in useing what she had the fixed the problum. in that they made her life easier but at the same time it was not about fixing her issue it was about accepting her in to their community. i think we as belivers do this to our own. we see a broken person and try to fix them. try to address their need and not just love on them. casue yes sometimes the needs need to be meet but other times the person just needs to be loved and alwoed to be apart of something and let the king fix the brokeness. i think the peole were being punshed for there ignorince because i think we can hide behind that. the wemon was just trying to serve not really careing aobut what other effects there were. also all parables have whole. but i hope that fixed some. thanks for the question if you have any more please ask.
for me it was all about the brokeness. the towns people were ignorent yes but they truly did not care for her. they just wanted to save face. so they took care of what they preseved as the need. which was not really the need at all. she took hte help becasue she was tierd of going back and forth even thought she was doing good. the brokness was what was saving the town. she did not want the broken jug but keep it becasue of what the king said. instead of the towns peole praiseiing her for her deligence in useing what she had the fixed the problum. in that they made her life easier but at the same time it was not about fixing her issue it was about accepting her in to their community. i think we as belivers do this to our own. we see a broken person and try to fix them. try to address their need and not just love on them. casue yes sometimes the needs need to be meet but other times the person just needs to be loved and alwoed to be apart of something and let the king fix the brokeness. i think the peole were being punshed for there ignorince because i think we can hide behind that. the wemon was just trying to serve not really careing aobut what other effects there were. also all parables have whole. but i hope that fixed some. thanks for the question if you have any more please ask.
Monday, August 07, 2006
another post
i have been posting like crazy. but i have had some awsome peaces of gods comformation of him loving and healing. this one is wasome. a friend wrote this to encourge me. i am so blessed to have people who love me. so i wnat to share this
The Parable of the Wasteful Woman
A woman went to the well for water each day. After a long while, her water jar became cracked. Being poor, she began to save money to buy a new one. The crack became progressively worse. Water leaked from the crack as she made her way from the well back to her home. So much water leaked from the jar that she began to make two trips to the well each day in order to have enough water, then three trips, then four trips. Many of the town people chastened her for wasting their water. For a drought had come over the land, and each week they had to go deeper into the well for the water source. When the king came to survey the land, the town people begged the woman not to go to the well on that day. They did not want the king to see her wastefullness. The king saw that the ground was cracked and dry and began to ask the people how the livestock were surviving since there was no grass and little water. They told the king that they did not know, and that they thought it was a miracle from God. The king puzzled over this as he went to stay the night at the local inn. He could not sleep that night, and was looking out over the town from his upper window. He began to notice that all the animals were walking in the same direction. Curios, he got dressed and followed the animals. He discovered that all the animals were gathered along a certain path. As he looked more closely, he saw that they were grazing upon herbage which was growing along the path. He followed the path to the house of the woman, and knocked on her door. She answered the door and explained to the king about the broken water jar. The king, however, did not chastize the woman for her wastefullness. He blessed the woman because she had unknowingly become the salvation of the town. After the king had gone, the town people heard that the woman had been visited by the king. They were terribly embarrassed as they knew that the king had noticed her wastefullness. They knew that the king would be returning through their town several weeks later as he went back to his palace, so they decided that if they could remedy the situation of the woman's wastefullness then maybe the king would send relief resources to their town. The town elder bought the woman a new water jar. The woman was happy that she did not have to make several trips to the well each day and that she would no longer be chastized by the town people, and she began using the new jar immediately. The livestock slowly began to die. When the king returned, they told him that the situation with the wasteful woman had been remedied, and asked the king for help because their livestock were now dying and they too would surely die. The king replied, "You have rejected your only salvation, you will now surely die. But this woman will come with me and all that is mine will be shared with her."
The Parable of the Wasteful Woman
A woman went to the well for water each day. After a long while, her water jar became cracked. Being poor, she began to save money to buy a new one. The crack became progressively worse. Water leaked from the crack as she made her way from the well back to her home. So much water leaked from the jar that she began to make two trips to the well each day in order to have enough water, then three trips, then four trips. Many of the town people chastened her for wasting their water. For a drought had come over the land, and each week they had to go deeper into the well for the water source. When the king came to survey the land, the town people begged the woman not to go to the well on that day. They did not want the king to see her wastefullness. The king saw that the ground was cracked and dry and began to ask the people how the livestock were surviving since there was no grass and little water. They told the king that they did not know, and that they thought it was a miracle from God. The king puzzled over this as he went to stay the night at the local inn. He could not sleep that night, and was looking out over the town from his upper window. He began to notice that all the animals were walking in the same direction. Curios, he got dressed and followed the animals. He discovered that all the animals were gathered along a certain path. As he looked more closely, he saw that they were grazing upon herbage which was growing along the path. He followed the path to the house of the woman, and knocked on her door. She answered the door and explained to the king about the broken water jar. The king, however, did not chastize the woman for her wastefullness. He blessed the woman because she had unknowingly become the salvation of the town. After the king had gone, the town people heard that the woman had been visited by the king. They were terribly embarrassed as they knew that the king had noticed her wastefullness. They knew that the king would be returning through their town several weeks later as he went back to his palace, so they decided that if they could remedy the situation of the woman's wastefullness then maybe the king would send relief resources to their town. The town elder bought the woman a new water jar. The woman was happy that she did not have to make several trips to the well each day and that she would no longer be chastized by the town people, and she began using the new jar immediately. The livestock slowly began to die. When the king returned, they told him that the situation with the wasteful woman had been remedied, and asked the king for help because their livestock were now dying and they too would surely die. The king replied, "You have rejected your only salvation, you will now surely die. But this woman will come with me and all that is mine will be shared with her."
Sunday, August 06, 2006
songs, you got to love how god speaks sometimes
this post is inspierd by a friend who put the lyrics to this song on her blog by kirk frankly. it really puts in perspective what i have been goign throught the last couple of weeks. god is good. i see so many awsome thngs goign on in my life. i also feel those by attacks by the enemys. depresion and guily and other crap. so this blog is all the songs that have been speaking to me.
Imagine Me
by Kirk Franklin
Imagine me loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I,
I imagine me in a place, of no insecurities and
I'm finally happy cause I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me cause they never did deserve me,
can you imagine me saying no to thoughts that try to control me,
Remembering all you told me, Lord, can you imagine me?
Over what my momma said, and healed from what my daddy did and
I wanna live and not read that page again.
(Chorus)
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally,
Finally I can imagine me
I admit it was hard to see you being in love with someone like me,
Finally I can imagine me.
Imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down,
You won't get that joy this time around.
Can you imagine me in a world,
In a world where nobody has to live afraid,
Because of your love, fear's gone away,
Can you imagine me.
Letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and
My heart will dance cause I don't have to read that page again.
Kirk talks:
This song is dedicated to people like me,
Those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self esteem,
You never felt good enough, you never felt pretty enough
But imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that
Everything that has happened is now...
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
this song has actualy lifted me up sevral times this week. god uese funny things...
All American Rejects - Move Along
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]
(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
The Real Me
(Natalie Grant)
Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?
Chorus:
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
Kirk Franklin
Looking for You
I've been down so long
I've been hurt for so long
There were times I thought I'd never see the break of day
It was hard for me to see Your plan for me
And I tried to believe struggling won't last always
See night after night I prayed Lord
Don't take Your joy from me
And then late one night
I read in Your love letter that it's gonna get better
Don't You know that I've been looking for You
I realize nothing else will satisfy me
I'm so glad I found You
Now that I'm change no one can keep me away from you
When my enemies tried to come for me and they thought that my world was coming to an end
All that while You knew that I would make it through
I feel closer to You now than when I first began
Jesus you are, Your are my sunlight after the rain wherever You are I just wanna be near You
I'm so glad I can hear You
Don't You know that I've been looking for You
I realize nothing else will satisfy me
I'm so glad I found You
Now that I'm change no one can keep me away from you
just to take an aside. i know this is a long post but god is doing so many wounderful thngs. i doudted that this week. god did some stuff i just was overwhelmed. used me in ways that i thought were gone. so i reverted to my old self and beat my self up inside . i just am amazed at how god is blessing me casue i am broken and will and wanting to grow. i see ministry being abundent. i see honesty and talents being used for gods glory. sometimes i still fill useless but like i have heard so many thimes this week. i belive that is the depravity of my being a human. i am thankful to be used. to see brothers coming n to my life and seeing honesty and accountablity. also god is good. i am so excited about the ministry oppertonities. a couple of more songs i wnat to share
Natalie Grant
I Am Not Alone
You're Here
In My Heart
You're the Light
That Guides Me Through The Dark
You Walk Beside Me
The Night Seems Cold
Each Time I Fall
Your Arms Are There To Hold
Chorus:
You Walk Beside Me
Giving Strength I've Never Known
I Am Not Alone
You Walk Beside Me
You're Here
In My Mind
I talk To You
And All My Fears Unwind
I Know I'm Loved For who I am
You Make Me Wanna Be The Best I can
Repeat Chorus
And I rely on your patience
When I face the unknown
And because of you
I am not alone
In the sun, In the rain
Through the good times and the pain
I reach out for your hand
I know that you understand
David Crowder Band
Wholly Yours
I am full of earth
You are heaven's worth
I am stained with dirt
Prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
What a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth
Flowers come up pushing through the dirt
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy like you are
You are everything that is bright and clean
And you're covering me with your majesty
And the truest sign of grace was this
From wounded hands redemption fell down
Liberating man
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy like you are
But the harder I try
The more clearly can I
Feel the depth of our fall
And the weight of it all
And so this might could be
The most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean
Holy, Hallelujah
Holy, Holy, Hallelujah
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy, holy God
Here I am all of me
Finally, everything
Holy, holy, holy
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly yours
I am wholly yours
I am full of earth and dirt and you
Here I am
Everything
Imagine Me
by Kirk Franklin
Imagine me loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I,
I imagine me in a place, of no insecurities and
I'm finally happy cause I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me cause they never did deserve me,
can you imagine me saying no to thoughts that try to control me,
Remembering all you told me, Lord, can you imagine me?
Over what my momma said, and healed from what my daddy did and
I wanna live and not read that page again.
(Chorus)
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally,
Finally I can imagine me
I admit it was hard to see you being in love with someone like me,
Finally I can imagine me.
Imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down,
You won't get that joy this time around.
Can you imagine me in a world,
In a world where nobody has to live afraid,
Because of your love, fear's gone away,
Can you imagine me.
Letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and
My heart will dance cause I don't have to read that page again.
Kirk talks:
This song is dedicated to people like me,
Those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self esteem,
You never felt good enough, you never felt pretty enough
But imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that
Everything that has happened is now...
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
this song has actualy lifted me up sevral times this week. god uese funny things...
All American Rejects - Move Along
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]
(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
The Real Me
(Natalie Grant)
Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?
Chorus:
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
Kirk Franklin
Looking for You
I've been down so long
I've been hurt for so long
There were times I thought I'd never see the break of day
It was hard for me to see Your plan for me
And I tried to believe struggling won't last always
See night after night I prayed Lord
Don't take Your joy from me
And then late one night
I read in Your love letter that it's gonna get better
Don't You know that I've been looking for You
I realize nothing else will satisfy me
I'm so glad I found You
Now that I'm change no one can keep me away from you
When my enemies tried to come for me and they thought that my world was coming to an end
All that while You knew that I would make it through
I feel closer to You now than when I first began
Jesus you are, Your are my sunlight after the rain wherever You are I just wanna be near You
I'm so glad I can hear You
Don't You know that I've been looking for You
I realize nothing else will satisfy me
I'm so glad I found You
Now that I'm change no one can keep me away from you
just to take an aside. i know this is a long post but god is doing so many wounderful thngs. i doudted that this week. god did some stuff i just was overwhelmed. used me in ways that i thought were gone. so i reverted to my old self and beat my self up inside . i just am amazed at how god is blessing me casue i am broken and will and wanting to grow. i see ministry being abundent. i see honesty and talents being used for gods glory. sometimes i still fill useless but like i have heard so many thimes this week. i belive that is the depravity of my being a human. i am thankful to be used. to see brothers coming n to my life and seeing honesty and accountablity. also god is good. i am so excited about the ministry oppertonities. a couple of more songs i wnat to share
Natalie Grant
I Am Not Alone
You're Here
In My Heart
You're the Light
That Guides Me Through The Dark
You Walk Beside Me
The Night Seems Cold
Each Time I Fall
Your Arms Are There To Hold
Chorus:
You Walk Beside Me
Giving Strength I've Never Known
I Am Not Alone
You Walk Beside Me
You're Here
In My Mind
I talk To You
And All My Fears Unwind
I Know I'm Loved For who I am
You Make Me Wanna Be The Best I can
Repeat Chorus
And I rely on your patience
When I face the unknown
And because of you
I am not alone
In the sun, In the rain
Through the good times and the pain
I reach out for your hand
I know that you understand
David Crowder Band
Wholly Yours
I am full of earth
You are heaven's worth
I am stained with dirt
Prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
What a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth
Flowers come up pushing through the dirt
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy like you are
You are everything that is bright and clean
And you're covering me with your majesty
And the truest sign of grace was this
From wounded hands redemption fell down
Liberating man
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy like you are
But the harder I try
The more clearly can I
Feel the depth of our fall
And the weight of it all
And so this might could be
The most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean
Holy, Hallelujah
Holy, Holy, Hallelujah
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries holy, holy God
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy, holy God
Here I am all of me
Finally, everything
Holy, holy, holy
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly yours
I am wholly yours
I am full of earth and dirt and you
Here I am
Everything
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
god is rebuilding me everyday. i told a freind a little thing becasue he is strugling wiht some stuff but it also holds ture for me. I told him about habbaka and how he was called to call the isralites to rebuild the temple. it was torn and so were there spirts. how god slow rebuilt the temple. the poele sometimes got discourged but god did his work. it took time. it was hard but god is fatih. just think about rebuilding a house that was destored. ffirst before you start to build you have to clean the foundation. there is the ruble of the old building. that is like the broken peaces of a damaged beliver. all the walls have come dawn. that may be becasue of our own foolish desiions or someone eles. the old pease of the building have to be cleaned. after that all the stuff inside has to be gone throu. what is salagable and what needs to be throw away and either replaced or just gotten rid of. then the foundation has to be checked and see how firm it is. then the building is rebuilt. then it is filled agian. all of us have been broken before. we all have wouds we all go throught this process some longer than others. me i am att he point of all the stuff being gone thourh. i am having the junk thrown out and the stuff that is broken fixed. god is showing me new things i need to learn and old things i did not remeber i had i need to use. he is also showing me how some of the things i see as weakness are actualy god given strengths and gifts. I have an awareness of what is goign on in my life. i have a sence of knowing where i am and where i have been. i have always seen this as a weakness becuse i felt like it made me pround and selfish. even tonight i spole wisdom in someone lifes and felt bad becasue i felt like i was been pushy. but that is a gift. god has alowed me to feel what is goign on around me. to always see what is goign on in my life and knowing what to do. i do not always do it. but i have a vision for my life. and an insight. i have seen that as bad but know am tryign to see it is a gift. I also see my ablity to speak about god and always have scripture onmy mind as a weakness. it seems argent and when i am in a group that i am taking over. when agian it is a gift. i have the oppertonity to speak life in to peole. god is changing me every day. i also just ask for prayer in a friendship that i let get sour. i let busyness of someone eles make me mad. that was wrong. i pray that god just do his thng and be god and repair that firiendship. forgive me for being selfish and bigr that back and alow that person to be in my life and grow.
god is rebuilding me everyday. i told a freind a little thing becasue he is strugling wiht some stuff but it also holds ture for me. I told him about habbaka and how he was called to call the isralites to rebuild the temple. it was torn and so were there spirts. how god slow rebuilt the temple. the poele sometimes got discourged but god did his work. it took time. it was hard but god is fatih. just think about rebuilding a house that was destored. ffirst before you start to build you have to clean the foundation. there is the ruble of the old building. that is like the broken peaces of a damaged beliver. all the walls have come dawn. that may be becasue of our own foolish desiions or someone eles. the old pease of the building have to be cleaned. after that all the stuff inside has to be gone throu. what is salagable and what needs to be throw away and either replaced or just gotten rid of. then the foundation has to be checked and see how firm it is. then the building is rebuilt. then it is filled agian. all of us have been broken before. we all have wouds we all go throught this process some longer than others. me i am att he point of all the stuff being gone thourh. i am having the junk thrown out and the stuff that is broken fixed. god is showing me new things i need to learn and old things i did not remeber i had i need to use. he is also showing me how some of the things i see as weakness are actualy god given strengths and gifts. I have an awareness of what is goign on in my life. i have a sence of knowing where i am and where i have been. i have always seen this as a weakness becuse i felt like it made me pround and selfish. even tonight i spole wisdom in someone lifes and felt bad becasue i felt like i was been pushy. but that is a gift. god has alowed me to feel what is goign on around me. to always see what is goign on in my life and knowing what to do. i do not always do it. but i have a vision for my life. and an insight. i have seen that as bad but know am tryign to see it is a gift. I also see my ablity to speak about god and always have scripture onmy mind as a weakness. it seems argent and when i am in a group that i am taking over. when agian it is a gift. i have the oppertonity to speak life in to peole. god is changing me every day. i also just ask for prayer in a friendship that i let get sour. i let busyness of someone eles make me mad. that was wrong. i pray that god just do his thng and be god and repair that firiendship. forgive me for being selfish and bigr that back and alow that person to be in my life and grow.
Monday, July 31, 2006
wow what is god doing
God is so dang good. he is doing more and more than i ever have thought. last night i did some thngs that released a major weight off my sholders. for those who dont know me this may not understand. i looked in to a mirror and saw myself in god eyes. and it was wsome. not all the wounds are healed. but alot are being fixed by my great phsician. i still am strugling with some things about me. my weight , my insides(which i will always strugle.. the great paul battle.. i do what i dont want to do thing) just ii still here a voice say your fat at times and your ugly. I still desire for someone who knows me to just suprise me and list all the good things about me. but those desire are not as important as the used to be. i feel like i have a little power in christ. where there were days in my recent past i felt useless. i know i am wounderfuly and fearfuly made. i know i have some great talaents but there are some things i wouder that i may be missing. i am seeing dreams that i have not seen in a long time.
also what is the thing about the blog. i love it i am so honest on here. i think it is casue i can not look in ones eyes. i have been very emotioanl latley. that has been strange. but god has used those emotions for his good.
also what is the thing about the blog. i love it i am so honest on here. i think it is casue i can not look in ones eyes. i have been very emotioanl latley. that has been strange. but god has used those emotions for his good.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
deprsion, what an intresting creation. it will die
depression is an intresting little beast. It has no motive. it does not have any signs of when it strikes. it stays as long as it wants. reaking havock with no type of pattern. It is a monster. others understnad it better than i do. they call it an illness. i thnk it is a littl beast aht can distract the strongest beliver form any task or job. it is a great little wepon of the enemy. and a great tool for our selfs to use to escape reality and the work of the holy spirt. it is hard to fight on your own. makes you feel like crap. it can use phisical illness to even weaken you father . but it is beatable. not only is it beatable. you can kill it. with the fathers help. first there has to be priorty changes. becasue i think one of the reasons why depresion come in to a person is that there self image is weak. that the have issuse with self. so depersoin can sneak in and wisper lies. that are so eay to belive. lies about health , weight, mental copasity, and friendships. those lies sound like truths casue they soudl like you. he is a great imator of yourself. so you and i belive them. but when you are in a personal relationship with the father. it makes things diffrent. the father also wispers things to us. that he loves us and cares for us. so konw ther is a heavness casue lies and the truth can not live in the same area. so there is a fight. the little monster depression fights the holy spirt. the thing is the spirt is strong. but depresion sinks in to self at times they are indestigishable. so know you deal with a self. your self you dont trust. it makes you feel like crap. he beats you up. but its yourself. how do you fight your self. i belive that god wants us to be confident in ourself. to love who we are. ourself is not the enemy. but depresion and hate and anger. casue they found woulds that other casued that were baerried. they live there. so what do you do. live in God. continue to have a relationship with the father. to obey god. and contune to talk to self. work things out. and heal. as i and others heal depresion is forced out like a desise by the holy spirt. it hurts becasue he has been ther so long. but life getts better every day. you feel less and less horable about self. god wins the victories. and will win the war. depresion will be defeated.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
brain damage
Let me tell you what. I am blessed. I have been going throught a soul searching time in my life. just processing stuff in my brain. well i had a great conversation with my mom. I am blessed. I have brain damage. from birth. for tose wo do ot know. i have mild cyerable palsy, sever dsylexea, i produce only a little seatonin. It happened while invetro. i was in my moms belly. she told me sometihng i have never heard her say. she belives god did this on purpose. she told me that sence i had no head trama at birth or anything happen after birth that she belives it all happened at conception. which means god di this to me. WOW. what was god thinking to do this. but in my moms voice it was not a sence of sadness but joy. i can walk and talk. i am a little slow and fumble and fall sum. i studer a little. have mood swings can't spell, and have a little trouble reading. i see all these things as negitive. she sees them as a blessing. i am alive. her child. i am helping kids just like me or wiht other disabiliies. i do things that are amazing in her eyes. i am an excelent cook. I am an arist. no not a geat athlet. cant walk down the hall some times but she sees me as her miricale. i think god sees me that way to. the more i think about things. god does not want me to hate myself or feel pitty or even browbeat myself to feel holy. he wants me to love myself and think good things about me. to see the good thngs. to reviel in who he made me. the good the great and the fantastic.
Monday, July 24, 2006
new blog
this is my brand new blog. why a new blog. because i wanted a new look. more links. i have a photo album. most of the links i like to visit. I also plan to update alot more. This is something i look forward to updating more. So what do I plan on saying today. I have two weeks till work starts again. i can not belive that the summer is almost over. i am reayd to get back to schoool/work. I really miss ke'arus. and the eight grade should be intresting. this has been a great summer. alot going on. the weather has been hot but that is cool.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
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