wow what is god doing

God is so dang good. he is doing more and more than i ever have thought. last night i did some thngs that released a major weight off my sholders. for those who dont know me this may not understand. i looked in to a mirror and saw myself in god eyes. and it was wsome. not all the wounds are healed. but alot are being fixed by my great phsician. i still am strugling with some things about me. my weight , my insides(which i will always strugle.. the great paul battle.. i do what i dont want to do thing) just ii still here a voice say your fat at times and your ugly. I still desire for someone who knows me to just suprise me and list all the good things about me. but those desire are not as important as the used to be. i feel like i have a little power in christ. where there were days in my recent past i felt useless. i know i am wounderfuly and fearfuly made. i know i have some great talaents but there are some things i wouder that i may be missing. i am seeing dreams that i have not seen in a long time.

also what is the thing about the blog. i love it i am so honest on here. i think it is casue i can not look in ones eyes. i have been very emotioanl latley. that has been strange. but god has used those emotions for his good.

new pics of me just casue i can

deprsion, what an intresting creation. it will die

depression is an intresting little beast. It has no motive. it does not have any signs of when it strikes. it stays as long as it wants. reaking havock with no type of pattern. It is a monster. others understnad it better than i do. they call it an illness. i thnk it is a littl beast aht can distract the strongest beliver form any task or job. it is a great little wepon of the enemy. and a great tool for our selfs to use to escape reality and the work of the holy spirt. it is hard to fight on your own. makes you feel like crap. it can use phisical illness to even weaken you father . but it is beatable. not only is it beatable. you can kill it. with the fathers help. first there has to be priorty changes. becasue i think one of the reasons why depresion come in to a person is that there self image is weak. that the have issuse with self. so depersoin can sneak in and wisper lies. that are so eay to belive. lies about health , weight, mental copasity, and friendships. those lies sound like truths casue they soudl like you. he is a great imator of yourself. so you and i belive them. but when you are in a personal relationship with the father. it makes things diffrent. the father also wispers things to us. that he loves us and cares for us. so konw ther is a heavness casue lies and the truth can not live in the same area. so there is a fight. the little monster depression fights the holy spirt. the thing is the spirt is strong. but depresion sinks in to self at times they are indestigishable. so know you deal with a self. your self you dont trust. it makes you feel like crap. he beats you up. but its yourself. how do you fight your self. i belive that god wants us to be confident in ourself. to love who we are. ourself is not the enemy. but depresion and hate and anger. casue they found woulds that other casued that were baerried. they live there. so what do you do. live in God. continue to have a relationship with the father. to obey god. and contune to talk to self. work things out. and heal. as i and others heal depresion is forced out like a desise by the holy spirt. it hurts becasue he has been ther so long. but life getts better every day. you feel less and less horable about self. god wins the victories. and will win the war. depresion will be defeated.

brain damage

Let me tell you what. I am blessed. I have been going throught a soul searching time in my life. just processing stuff in my brain. well i had a great conversation with my mom. I am blessed. I have brain damage. from birth. for tose wo do ot know. i have mild cyerable palsy, sever dsylexea, i produce only a little seatonin. It happened while invetro. i was in my moms belly. she told me sometihng i have never heard her say. she belives god did this on purpose. she told me that sence i had no head trama at birth or anything happen after birth that she belives it all happened at conception. which means god di this to me. WOW. what was god thinking to do this. but in my moms voice it was not a sence of sadness but joy. i can walk and talk. i am a little slow and fumble and fall sum. i studer a little. have mood swings can't spell, and have a little trouble reading. i see all these things as negitive. she sees them as a blessing. i am alive. her child. i am helping kids just like me or wiht other disabiliies. i do things that are amazing in her eyes. i am an excelent cook. I am an arist. no not a geat athlet. cant walk down the hall some times but she sees me as her miricale. i think god sees me that way to. the more i think about things. god does not want me to hate myself or feel pitty or even browbeat myself to feel holy. he wants me to love myself and think good things about me. to see the good thngs. to reviel in who he made me. the good the great and the fantastic.

new blog

this is my brand new blog. why a new blog. because i wanted a new look. more links. i have a photo album. most of the links i like to visit. I also plan to update alot more. This is something i look forward to updating more. So what do I plan on saying today. I have two weeks till work starts again. i can not belive that the summer is almost over. i am reayd to get back to schoool/work. I really miss ke'arus. and the eight grade should be intresting. this has been a great summer. alot going on. the weather has been hot but that is cool.

new blog coming

new blog coming